Divorce and separation are two ways out of a bad marriage, and any lessening of hostility could be good. But for many children and their parents, tensions continue, and the whole process of getting a divorce is a long and painful one. This process can be emotionally hard on these children and their parents from the start of the fight between the parents, through the divorce, and often for many years afterward. It is important for children to understand that they did not cause the divorce and cannot fix it on their own. This can be done through age-appropriate explanations and counseling.

When children are involved, there is no such thing as a good divorce. Scientists at the University of Santiago de Compostela and Vigo did a study on how divorce affects the health of children. The results showed that children are more likely to have problems with their genitourinary, gastrointestinal, skin, and nervous systems.

“It’s not the breakup itself that hurts the kids’ health, but how the parents deal with it. This is what the scientific literature says, and our data backs it up,” said Maria Dolores Seijo Martinez, who was in charge of the research. They did a cross-sectional study with 467 boys, girls, and teens between the ages of two and eighteen whose parents were still together or had split up.

The researchers did not find any link between exposure to divorce and the development of lung, heart, musculoskeletal, or skeletal problems, allergies, or hearing or vision problems. “Poor parenting leads to a lot of fighting between the parents, which makes it hard to keep a good relationship. When children are in these kinds of family situations for a long time, they often have toxic stress,” the researchers said this.

How to cope when your parents are getting divorced?

1. It is important to lessen the emotional stress as much as possible, and the only way to do that is to show your children how much you love them. This will give the child confidence and emotional strength.
2. During a divorce, it’s important to be honest with your kids, but you shouldn’t say bad things about your spouse. Talk to them and make sure they understand. Don’t give them a hard time. Understand and help your kids, and let them talk about how they feel. Pay attention to what they say about it. Be patient and don’t get angry, even if they say something you don’t agree with.
3. Some kids think that they did something to make their parents split up. Make sure you help your child figure out what is wrong with this idea. Tell them why you’ve decided to go your separate ways. Always be patient with your child and reassure them that you and their other parent will still love them even though you will be living apart.
4. Keep fights, heated conversations, and legal talk out of sight from the kids and try not to mess up their daily routines too much.
5. Children can get tense and angry when things change quickly. Try not to change your child’s current living situation for as long as you can. Even if you plan to move the child’s living situation, give them time to get used to the changes.
6. When you say things like, “I know how you feel” or “I know you must be sad,” you let the child know that their feelings are okay. Before telling them how to make it better, it’s important to let them say everything.
7. Don’t fight with your partner in front of your kids because it’s bad for them to see. They’re still learning how to make friends on their own. Children whose parents show anger and hostility are much more likely to have long-term emotional and behavioral problems.

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