Going through a divorce is an emotional and painful ride. Once you decide to end the marriage, you must deal with the agonizing legal process. 

But know that you’re not alone. In 2018, there were 782,038 annulments and divorces in the United States. Its neighbor Canada registered 42,933 divorces granted in 2020. And just like you, these couples may not have agreed on their divorce terms. Disputes may arise, so the court must step in to resolve the matter. It leaves the spouses with less control over the case’s outcome.

So What Can You Do?

Research conducted by the University of Washington shows that August and March are the most common times people file for divorce. What are your reasons for ending your marriage? Whatever it is, make sure it’s not a “seasonal” thing you decided on a whim, especially if kids are involved. 

Keep in mind that it’s not just yourself you have to think about. You need to help the kids cope with their parent’s divorce, as they can suffer from emotional trauma too. 

Whether it’s a contested divorce or otherwise, here are ways to defend yourself and improve your chances of winning.

1) Get a lawyer

You may not realize it yet, but divorce can profoundly impact your life and future. Having an accomplished legal team by your side helps you protect your kids, marital home, and your hard-earned money. Find someone like a Vaughan divorce lawyer who listens to your concerns with empathy.

Family law is complicated; seek the right legal representation to help you navigate through the process. No matter how much trust you have for your spouse, they can blindside you later. A reasonable divorce attorney can ease the process of custody arrangements and property division, and other pressing issues. 

2) List down your assets

Emotions running high can’t be avoided; one spouse might try to hide assets or charge items to a joint account. You must protect your assets, as you never know how your spouse will react after learning about the divorce. 

Make a detailed list of all assets you own, joint and personal. Also, try to gather copies of your financial records, like credit card statements and bank statements. If you own your car and the marital home, obtain documents for those.

3) Avoid digital activities

It’s normal to feel frustration when negotiating the terms of the divorce. However, sending a  text threatening to take the children away or damaging stuff will only do you no good. Remember that divorce lawyers may collect digital evidence and use it against you during legal proceedings.

For your sake, avoid any digital activity until your divorce is finalized. It includes posting on social media accounts like boasting about a pay raise on Facebook. It will give your spouse the evidence to demand higher alimony or child support.

4) Establish a compelling “story”

This is your feelings about the marriage summarized for the court. Each side has its own “‘version” of the story and will attempt to prove that they’re the oppressed one. While both stories might be true to the person narrating, each would impel different results.

Whichever story or narrative the judge or jury sides with will win the lawsuit. A skilled lawyer will help you develop a strong narrative consistent with all the facts you presented. This leaves the court with a compelling feeling that they need to remedy the great injustice of your situation.

5) Control your anger

If you have stayed in an unhappy marriage for too long, disappointments can turn into anger. You might feel oppressed by the other party not making an “effort” to make the relationship work. The shame and bottled resentment then translate to anger and perhaps a “desire” for revenge. 

But there’s no need to take matters into your own hands; this is why the law exists. The marriage not working doesn’t mean someone failed. Two people can be wonderful but still discover they’re not right for each other in the long run. 

Instead of letting your anger consume you, try to honor the years you were still devoted to each other. A good lawyer can also be a friend who listens and helps you overcome the divorce to take back your life.

Even if no love remains, respect should.

Some couples can’t see past their differences and end up yelling and fighting, aggravating the process. Unfortunately, this develops into an unsuitable environment for the kids. Remaining respectful to your spouse makes it easier to avoid a courtroom battle and achieve desired results for both parties.

6) Adjust your claims

You must have achievable, realistic goals for your divorce. It’s not being lazy or giving up. It’s determining how you can achieve the best result with the least amount of work (especially if money is tight). 

Your lawyer should be able to present you with a wise legal theory and favorable facts that can help you snatch victory. 

How about a favorable resolution?

Do you have incorrect facts that may sink your case? A good course of action is to make an offer to your spouse that they can’t refuse. Oftentimes, settlement is much better than waiting for a judicial decision. 

Because you have control over settlement conditions, it stops the emotional and financial damages of ongoing litigation. Moreover, you can protect each other’s secrets and the children from the public eye. 

No Guarantees

As with everything in life, even litigation is unpredictable so expect no guarantees. So many factors are involved, such as facts clients forget to tell their lawyers or judges with different views. You have to understand that no lawyer can give you 100 percent assurance that you’ll win the case.

Sure, like the six ways mentioned above, your lawyer can use several techniques to increase your chances of winning. But, of course, they entail hard work, skills, and deep knowledge of the facts, the law, and human behavior. What’s most important is you win the case with honesty and integrity.