Maybe you’re wondering how you can be happier in your relationship. Achieving happiness as a couple is not trivial, since well-matched marriages and couples achieve a higher level of personal satisfaction. Furthermore, building a happy couples not only has positive consequences for our mental health but also for our physical health.
Did you know that married people have a longer life expectancy? A study carried out at Duke University revealed that stable couples are 50% less likely to die prematurely, which is because a relationship represents a source of support in the most difficult times and keeps the fear away. loneliness and, of course, generates many satisfactions.
However, the secret is not in finding the “perfect person,” but in learning to be happy as a couple and to enjoy each other’s company. When the relationship becomes a prison or is no longer satisfactory, it causes psychological and physical damage to both members.
What Do Happy Couples Do?
There is no magic formula to be happy as a couple, but there are some keys that can improve your relationship. In fact, numerous studies have revealed that happy couples follow a common pattern that allows them to relate more satisfactorily and fuels the flame of passion.
- They cultivate common interests. As the years go by, people change and so do their interests, so there is a risk of becoming two strangers living together under the same roof. However, happy couples cultivate common interests and dedicate quality time to them.
- They keep the details alive. If something distinguishes happy couples, it is their intention to keep alive the details that usually exist at the beginning of the relationship, such as walking, holding hands, hugging when returning from work, staying in touch throughout the day, or saying “I love you.”” often. These small details fuel intimacy and complicity.
- They focus on the positive aspects. With coexistence, it is normal for friction to appear, and by getting to know the other person deeply, we also discover their “defects.” However, happy couples know how to focus on the positive aspects; they stay focused on the reasons why they are together and do not highlight the differences. This attitude allows them to value and support others.
What Don’t Happy Couples Do?
People have a tendency to repeat relationship patterns that they have learned during their childhood or that they have maintained in previous relationships. It is an unconscious process, but it can sabotage the relationship.
- They feed mistrust. A happy relationship is based on mutual trust. If one of the members distrusts the other, jealousy will soon appear, and the relationship will suffer. Jealousy not only makes the person see ghosts where there are none, but it also generates a climate of mistrust that is oppressive and harmful for both.
- They blame each other. In a couple, any problem is always a matter of two. Not assuming the share of responsibility implies dropping all the weight on the other and indicates that we are not willing to invest in the relationship. Furthermore, constant criticism only serves to devalue the other person. It is estimated that in a happy couple, there should be five positive messages for every criticism made.
- They make a storm in a glass of water. Happy couples know what is worth fighting for; unhappy couples turn the slightest conflict into a drama, which often leads them to get into inconsequential arguments. These daily disagreements end up undermining the relationship and making each member wonder if the other is really their better half.
Five Keys to Being Happy as a Couples
If you want to be happy as a couple, incorporate these five habits:
1. Talk About the Problems
Every relationship, even the most stable, faces conflicts that can lead to a relationship crisis. However, problems can be an opportunity to strengthen the couple and strengthen emotional ties, or, on the contrary, they can ruin the relationship. The key is to talk about difficulties without assuming a conciliatory attitude or making false presuppositions. Remember that hiding problems does not eliminate them; on the contrary, it increases them.
2. Take the Other Into Account
In relationships, power struggles are often established to determine who makes the decisions. However, when a person feels permanently displaced and their opinion is not taken into account, not only will they begin to feel frustrated and alone, but they will also question the relevance of the relationship. In a couple, important decisions must be made by mutual agreement, respecting the opinions of each other.
3. Spend Quality Time Together
The dizzying pace of everyday life sometimes doesn’t leave us much free time, so when we return home, we are so tired that we have no energy left to dedicate to our partner. However, for a relationship to work, it is necessary that both spend quality time together, making space in their agenda to share interests and passions that give rise to unique moments.
4. Commit to the Relationship
One of the biggest secrets to being happy as a couple is to invest emotionally in the relationship. Starting a relationship with a fear of commitment and maintaining reservations is like condemning it to failure. On the contrary, if both of you open up emotionally and strive to overcome obstacles, the relationship will grow. Although the idea that love can do everything has been established in the popular imagination, in reality, a happy couple also needs a good dose of commitment and sacrifice.
5. Be Tolerant
Tolerance is one of the main ingredients in every happy couple. These people know which battles they must fight and which ones are inconsequential. Being tolerant also implies accepting others, not despite their defects but precisely because of their “defects.” Being tolerant means knowing how to forgive and move on without holding resentments.
I Love My Partner, But I’m Not Happy…
Many people declare that they love their partner but are not happy, and love is not enough for a relationship to be fully satisfactory. How can we be happy as a couple? Is it something that can be learned? If I’m not happy with my partner, does that mean I should break up?
In reality, it is possible to eliminate those habits that affect the relationship and learn much more positive ways of relating. All couples go through difficult periods, so the best solution is not to throw in the towel but to analyze what is happening. Often, when we rush toward a breakup, we don’t take our share of responsibility and end up dragging those bad habits into the next relationship, causing this one to fail as well.
Therefore, if you are not happy with your partner, talk about it; don’t let it go. Don’t blame others, and don’t expect them to change if you are not willing to change yourself. In some cases, it is advisable to go to couples therapy because a psychologist will be able to see those difficulties that you cannot appreciate because you are too involved in the relationship, give you guidelines that will help you relate in a healthier way, and work with emotions. that are blocking you and negatively affecting your relationship. In fact, did you know that a study conducted by psychologists at Harvard University has shown that people completely unrelated to the couple can predict with 81% success whether they will divorce within the next five years?