It’s hard to say exactly why you like someone. Maybe it’s their goofy smile, razor-sharp wit, or simply that they’re easy to be around. You just like them.
But scientists generally aren’t satisfied with such vague answers. They have spent years pinpointing the factors that draw one person to another.
Here are some psychology tricks, backed by research, that can make you more attractive to others.
1. Mirror the Person You’re With
This strategy is called mirroring and involves subtly mimicking another person’s behavior. Try copying their body language, gestures, and facial expressions when talking to someone.
In 1999, researchers at New York University documented the “chameleon effect,” which occurs when people unconsciously mimic each other’s behavior. This mimicry facilitates liking.
In the study, 72 men and women worked on a task with a partner who either mimicked their behavior or didn’t. The results showed that participants liked their partners more when their partners mimicked them.
This simple yet effective technique can create a sense of connection and rapport, making you more likable.
2. Spend More Time Around People You Want to Befriend
The mere-exposure effect suggests that people tend to like others who are familiar to them. Psychologists at the University of Pittsburgh demonstrated this by having four women pose as students in a psychology class.
Each woman attended a different number of classes. When male students were shown pictures of these women, they liked those they had seen more often despite no direct interaction.
This indicates that simply being present and visible can increase your attractiveness to others.
3. Compliment Others
People will associate the adjectives you use to describe others with your personality. This phenomenon is called spontaneous trait transference.
A study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that the association still occurred even when people knew certain traits didn’t describe the person talking about them.
People will associate those qualities with you if you tell someone as genuine and kind. Conversely, negative comments can backfire, making you seem less attractive.
4. Display Positive Emotions
Emotional contagion describes how the moods of those around them strongly influence people. Research from Ohio University and the University of Hawaii suggests that we naturally mimic others’ movements and facial expressions, which can make us feel similar emotions.
If you want to make others feel happy when they’re around you, communicate positive emotions. Your happiness can be contagious, enhancing your attractiveness.
5. Be Warm and Competent
According to the stereotype content model proposed by Princeton University psychologists, people judge others based on warmth and competence. People will trust you if you can portray yourself as warm (friendly and noncompetitive).
They will respect you if you seem competent (having high status or expertise). Harvard psychologist Amy Cuddy emphasizes demonstrating warmth first and then competence, especially in business settings. This approach ensures that people feel both comfortable and impressed by you.
6. Reveal Your Flaws Occasionally
According to the pratfall effect, people will like you more after you make a mistake, but only if they believe you are competent. Revealing that you aren’t perfect makes you more relatable and vulnerable.
Researcher Elliot Aronson found that people rated others higher on likability when they made a minor mistake, such as spilling coffee after performing well on a quiz. This vulnerability can make you more human and approachable.
The similarity-attraction effect suggests that people are more attracted to those who are similar to them. A classic study by Theodore Newcomb found that participants liked housemates more when they shared similar attitudes on controversial topics.
A recent study found that Air Force recruits liked each other more when they had similar negative personality traits. Highlighting common values and beliefs can strengthen your connection with others.
8. Casually Touch Them
Subliminal touching, such as tapping someone’s back or touching their arm, can make people feel warm toward you. A French study found that young men had double the success rate in striking up conversations with women when they lightly touched the women’s arms.
Similarly, a study from the University of Mississippi and Rhodes College found that servers who briefly touched customers earned significantly larger tips. A gentle, appropriate touch can enhance your likability.
9. Smile
A University of Wyoming study found that smiling significantly increased likability, regardless of body position.
Similarly, research from Stanford University and the University of Duisburg-Essen showed that students felt more positive about interactions when avatars displayed bigger smiles.
Smiling can also help people remember you better, making it a simple yet powerful tool for increasing attractiveness.
10. See Others as They Want to Be Seen
People want to be perceived in a way that aligns with their beliefs about themselves, a concept known as self-verification theory.
Research from Stanford University and the University of Arizona found that people preferred interacting with those who provided feedback consistent with their self-views.
When others’ beliefs about us align with ours, relationships tend to flow more smoothly, fostering a sense of understanding and intimacy.
11. Tell Them a Secret
Self-disclosure is a powerful relationship-building technique. In a study by researchers at several universities, college students who asked increasingly personal questions felt closer to their partners than those who engaged in small talk.
Sharing intimate information can foster a sense of closeness and trust, making the other person more likely to confide in you in the future.
12. Show You Can Keep Their Secrets
Trustworthiness is crucial in relationships. Research from the University of Florida, Arizona State University, and Singapore Management University found that people value trustworthiness and trust in friendships and professional relationships. Honesty, dependability, and loyalty can significantly enhance your attractiveness to others.
13. Display a Sense of Humor
A sense of humor is highly valued in both friendships and romantic relationships. Research from Illinois State University and California State University at Los Angeles found that humor is an essential trait in ideal companions.
Another study suggested that humor can increase romantic attraction, especially in initial interactions. Making someone laugh can create a positive and memorable impression.
14. Let Them Talk About Themselves
Harvard researchers discovered that talking about oneself is inherently rewarding, activating brain regions associated with motivation and reward.
Letting someone share stories about their life instead of dominating the conversation can create positive memories of your interaction. Being a good listener can make you more attractive and memorable.
15. Be a Little Vulnerable
Emotional openness can explain why two people click. Research from Illinois State University and California State University at Los Angeles found that companions’ expressiveness and openness are desirable traits.
Being emotionally open comes with risks, but it can also create deeper connections and increase attractiveness.
16. Act As You Like Them
The interchange of liking phenomenon suggests that when we think someone likes us, we tend to like them back. A 1959 study found that participants liked people more when they believed those people liked them.
More recent research supports this idea, showing that acting warmly toward others increases the likelihood they will like you. Acting as if you want someone can create a positive feedback loop of mutual affection.
Final thoughts
These psychological tricks, backed by scientific research, can help you become more attractive to others.
Understanding and applying these principles can enhance your relationships, making more profound, genuine, and enjoyable connections.
