Some behavior patterns could be indicators that you are in an unhealthy relationship. “I am your toxic”, “Here, your toxic”, “You are my toxic”, among other phrases resound again these days when a femicide knocked on the door not only of a family, but of a society whose machismo is deeply rooted, such as one of the multi-factorial incidents that point to the parenting style and the cultural aspect.
Phrases like those mentioned resonate because it has been seen how the term “toxic” is normalized and even romanticized, which is defined as “containing poison”, “causing poisoning”, “which can cause disorders or death”. This adjective, which is contrary to everything that is healthy, is even seen as an attribute and used as a joke on social networks and even in songs.
So, contrary to what some people may believe, it is worth emphasizing once again that love is not toxic. What toxicity does in a relationship is that it is harmful and destructive, so it is unhealthy for people.
What does toxic relationship mean?
“Toxicity” means a relationship and normalizing it is alarming. “It is a relationship that destroys, that is not healthy, where both parties are hurting each other. In toxicity there is a mutual emotional and physical damage, and it impacts all that is health. Although couple relationships will always have differences, these are based on respect for the human being. In a healthy relationship, agreements are reached for the well-being of both parties: physical, emotional, sexual, economic and labor, among other areas.
Many are likely to wonder how people stay in a toxic relationship. However, they do not necessarily recognize or identify that they are submerged in them. When we talk about toxic behaviors, we already see this pattern in culture and in upbringing, what a person does is that he conditions himself.
In the process of normalizing this unhealthy and unhealthy behavior, the person tends to ignore their worth and this is directly linked to self-esteem, self-confidence and security.
What is the message we bring to children through toxic relationship?
“At the individual level it can be linked to upbringing and a socialization process that arise in the different stages of development, from childhood, adolescence, middle adulthood, late adulthood to the process of death. In this process of socialization at the family level, we can see many of the expressions that are heard continuously and constantly. For example, saying “I stay here for my children” or “I put up with this mistreatment or abuse for my children or my family” is an unconscious or indirect way of breaking this emotional codependency and this cycle of abuse. What is the message that we bring to the children or to the core of that home? It is to teach that receiving this contempt, humiliation and insults from the partner is normal, that it is synonymous with love within a healthy relationship.
There are some alerts that could be indicators if you are in a relationship that is not healthy:
- The person may have a tendency to get upset when the couple plans things with friends and does not consent to the other’s opinion. The hassle of not being completely dependent on each other.
- You do not respect human privacy.
- The annoyance of not having access to the other person’s personal belongings. Even that aspect of access to social networks, the telephone, bank accounts, invoices, or any other from where you can obtain personal information that contributes to the distrust of each other.
- Feel jealous even of family, friends and co-workers.
- You do not take into consideration the opinion of your partner.
- They send each other to silence.
- It makes you feel less.
- You want to be in full control of the relationship, for example: the expressions you make, the decisions you make, the clothes you wear, the calls you make, the schedules, the activities during the day, the calls you make, constant questioning of who he talks with and everything that concerns that person individually.
- Enter a blackmail process.
- Demonstrate excessive over protection. This does not mean that “I want the best for you”, but rather “I want to have you with me.” Within that over protection what it does is invalidate your decision making, it feeds what is fear and insecurity to have more control over your partner.
- Decisions end when the other person gives in. When you agree with him, the discussion ends or continues.
- Compares you to other people.
- It makes you feel guilty and responsible for everything that happens in the relationship.
- The victim tends to have sexual relations to avoid conflicts with the other person.
- Makes you stay isolated or isolated from your family, friends and interpersonal relationships in general.
- It invalidates the needs of the other person. It doesn’t take into consideration your needs on an individual level.
You have to keep in mind that toxic relationships do not have to be dealt with, nurtured and maintained. However, it must be recognized that breaking these cycles takes time. The victims or both parties of toxicity relationships have to identify that they are really hurting themselves and there are those who cannot identify it.
Each case is particular and must be taken with a grain of salt because when self-esteem is so hurt, the self-concept about what is worth is diminished, making decisions and maintaining control of life are becoming complicated.